Moving Pictures

The discussion on the art blog circuit of what artworks should be made into movies has gone viral. Inspired by dicussions on Tyler Green's and Edward Winkleman's blogs, here are my five movies from paintings, complete with directors and cast. Interested parties should contact my agent. I'm not greedy. Just looking for what my agent calls "Bruce Willis money."



1. Grant Wood, American Gothic. When a dowdy farmer's daughter's makeover goes extreme, the new beau in her life makes Dad reach for his pitchfork. Kate Hudson stars in this comedic, romantic romp, with Alan Arkin as the Farmer and Matthew McConaughey as the Traveling Salesman.



2. Andrew Wyeth, Christina's World. Ingmar Bergmann's latest examination of the human condition follows the journey of a crippled woman as she crawls up a hill to her home. The story of four generations of her family is told in flashbacks along the way. Running time, 5 hours.



3. Roy Lichtenstein, Wham! A corrupt president and nefarious vice president steal an election and then manipulate a national tragedy to wage an immoral war for Mideast oil. An improbable tale that could never happen in America directed by James Cameron. Soundtrack by George Michael.



4. Salvador Dali, The Persistence of Memory. When a priceless Dali painting featuring a swarm of ants turns out to have an infestation of deadly African fire ants while traveling to an exhibit, Samuel L. Jackson is the angriest passenger of all on this more cultured sequel to Snakes on a Plane. William Shattner costars as the pilot.



5. Rembrandt, The Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Nicolaes Tulp. A dead body comes back to life during a medical lecture in a 17th century Dutch hospital and has a insatiable appetite for brains. George Romero directs.